You say potato I say to tattoo

Tattoo with grunge effect

My tattoos are mine. Just because I have tattoos doesn’t mean I’m “really into tattoos” – I just dig mine. I love my tattoos for what they represent to me. They are all individually designed to be works of art, and are endowed with meaning; deeply personal meaning that reflects my life, my values and my journey. (That is the stuff of another post, I do believe….)

So, meantime, it’s occurring to me that tattoos divide the populous into 3 broad groups:

 Group 1 – the ‘tattoos are no biggy’ people.

Group 1 people are OK. They view tattoos as personal choice; they accept some might be good, some might be bad, but they are the choice of the individual. Tattoos are of no more significance to Group 1 people than the colour of one’s underpants.

I like Group 1 people. For Group 1 people I am grateful. They let me be. They might remark on my tattoos, but in an open, non-judgemental way which upholds my freedom of choice, and doesn’t leave me with a desire to stab myself in the face with a fork at the utter bereftedness of the human condition.

Group 2 – the ‘negatives’

For others tattoos seem to represent something wholly and unreservedly negative or evil. Subversion, rebellion, ugliness, a defacement of nature, a fleeting fad of fickle foul youth. Sailors.

Group 2 people say things like:

  • “I can never understand why someone would want to stick pins in themselves”. Um, yep, me neither. 
  • “I think they look ugly” Well, at least I’m only ugly on the outside.
  • “It says in the bible you shouldn’t have tattoos” Examine the text (intelligently, my dear) and you will see that no, it really doesn’t.

Group 2s leave me a bit cold, if I’m honest, but don’t generally get a rise out of me. Life has taught me that you can’t please all the people, so I feel no guilt at calmly ignoring the negative nancies.

Now, let’s move on to:

Group 3 – The ‘Oh I love your tattoo’ people.

I LITERALLY hate Group 3s. Group 3 people of the world – YOU alone are the reason I cover my tattoos up. You hold an indiscriminate view that all tattoos are good JUST because they are tattoos and “tattoos are so cool” Even tattoos like this:

images (11) 

No! NO! SRSLY!

Group 3 people, please shut up! Not all tattoos are cool. Some utterly suck. Nurture some discretion in that fickle little soul of yours. Just because you catch a minuscule glimpse of the edge of some ink on my arms do not declare in a loud squawk ‘Oh my god I love your tattoo, that’s wicked’ No it isn’t. You can’t even see it. Go away from me.

Even worse are the sub-set of Group 3. The ‘touchers’. What in the name of all the saints actually is THAT all about?

OH MY LIFE A TATTOO DOESN’T ACTUALLY FEEL OF ANYTHING PLEASE GET THE HELL OFF ME BEFORE I TASER YOU.

Have you not heard of a concept called personal space?

I even had someone lick it once.  Lick.  My.  Arm.  In a petrol station forecourt in Taunton. Mind you, he was Polish, so perhaps it could have been a quaint custom.  Although I think it was more likely to be too-much-vodka.

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